Is it worth it?

At times I wonder, if all of this is worth it? I''m trying my best to keep on top of things but at times (like now) I feel as if I'm holding everything together by the thread.

This thought came to me during this week, around Thursday, when one of my cousin ask, 'How do you do it, doing all these stuff?' ' We go out at 10pm to have a drink with friends and you go out at 10pm to send stuff to the city for OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship).

Honestly I don't know how I am keeping up with things. At times I even doubt that I am on track. I don't know if this is a false sense of confidence or is this strength from God. I'm doing 5 papers every semester, so I can finish my degree as fast as I can, to ease the burden on my family. Also, to make things easier for me to move a head in what I want to do, but, I really doubt if I can pull it off. I already failed one paper last semester, I don't know if I can change that this time round. I actually promised my self that, if I were to fail, I would slow down my degree to a normal pace and just do what everyone is doing, but I took on 5 papers anyway. mmm....

2 test 2 assignment due next week, and I haven't finish any of it, nor have I started revising for any of it. It's already 8.30pm (Sun). Can I make it though this week? (God Help me)

I requested for a week off from music ministry because I was getting really tired and I don't want to not give my best when I serve. (I was suppose to worship lead next week). Today we painted the youth room and I was washing the paint brushes late in the evening at home. My cousin was with her bf and was about to leave the house, said hi and stuff. But it kinda got me thinking, there they are, all dressed up to go out and stuff, and here am I, in an overall, with paint stain all over, washing brushes. The sun has nearly set and it was still raining...

So, is it worth it? Is this really how I wanna live my life in NZ? I work hard play hard but I'm getting really tired. I think it was the same feeling I got around this time last year as well, where I found myself nearly at the edge of burning out. There was a point last year,(around this time) where I was in church every night, practicing for one event or something else to do with church.

Well, I'm gonna try to pull an all nighter tonight to revise for my test and to finish off an assignment that is due tomorrow and the day after. God, please give me strength to pull through this. I really don't know if I can pull it off, but I really think I need the time. ( This is kinda a time waster to begin with but I really want to vent it out). Amen...

Ok, here I go.. study...